Reasons one may not cross stitch & other articles

[Amélie Abels]

Was scrolling along and I came across this article: '5 Reasons NOT To Pass Up Cross Stitch'. It basically lists a couple of the more typical people one would be surprised to see with cross stitch kits (men, very young etc.) and reasons one wouldn't try it out. Though I'm not sure how much those stereotypes still persist, I like the idea of dispelling them and trying to encourage people to cross stitch in general.

What are some of the reasons people have given you for not wanting to try cross stitch?
I mean I've managed to get a few friends or younger family members to give it a try, and even on nearly finishing a pattern they say its just not for them, but that I understand. Occaisionally there's those who just dismiss it out of hand, even when I try and find a way it could appeal to them.

[richardandtracy]

I have had more than one bloke look in askance at me for cross stitching... It's not exactly a manly thing to do, all the twee teddy bears, cute cats etc. is it?

I confess my indifference to such idiocy is monumental. I don't do cute or twee; It's the content that Neanderthals are really objecting to, not the process, and they occasionally change their ideas once they realise it's possible to do other picture styles. And if they don't re-assess they way they see me, I can't say it bothers me much. I need them in my life as much as they need me - not at all.

As for a reason to do it.. I make things. I design boxes at work, I design and make pens in my workshop. Sometimes it's too hot or cold in my workshop, or my knee is playing up & it's too uncomfortable to stand in front of the lathe and I have to go inside. It doesn't alter my need to make something, so now I make something while with the family too.

Regards,

Richard.

[Rose]

That was a pretty good article and Mr Xstitch used to be a contributing member of our board. We miss him.

What most people say to me is I am not talented enough to do something like that. I ask them if they can count and they say of course but that is just to hard I could never do that. They just don't want to even try, although I have at least got 2 people to go to the craft store and look at what is out there.

[Allyn]

People tell me they don't have the patience. For some of them, I believe that to be true. My husband protests that he'll be viewed as less than manly if he does it, but I don't think he really feels that way. He doesn't give a rat's butt what people think of him in the first place; and he's a wiz in the kitchen and he knows how to iron and sew, so I can't believe he really feels that cross stitching would be a threat to his manhood. Besides, he's never seen me stitch anything cutesy or cuddly. The project I'm doing now has a death theme and the project I have lined up to do next has blood in it -- quite macabre, really.

I was tinkering with my XS design program a couple of days ago and he asked me if I could take an image and make a XS pattern out of it. I said yes and he showed me a picture -- it was a screen shot out of one of his online games -- and he said that if he were to XS, that was the kind of thing he'd like to stitch. I remained quite nonchalant about it; but inside, I'm thinking "Woohoo! There may be hope!" Every opportunity I get, I tell him how mentally relaxing and therapeutic it is for me to sit and stitch. He can be a bit tense and I think that he would really like to be able to take a mental vacation in the evening, too.

Instead of waiting for him to ask, maybe I should just kit something up for him to do and present it to him.

[MaggieM1750]

I hear 2 common responses:
Its too small.. how do you see your stitches??
I don't have the patience for something so detailed.

For crosses being too small:
I do get that would be a hinderance to someone learning the craft- if they cannot see the materials. But there are loads of magnifying options available. And this is why needlework is not just for the old ladies. If you wait too long.. you can't see what you are doing! But, I suppose I perpetuate that stereotype as I call my needlework my "old lady hobby". For the record.. I'm 36 and have been doing this craft off and on since I was about 10-12. I'm right there in the middle- I'm not old, but I'm not young. I have terrible eyesight, haven't been able to read the giant E on top of eye charts since about grade 7. So you don't need great eyesight to do this. And.. they make fabric with various sized holes. Can't see the holes in 16 ct aida? Switch to 11 ct. Try a linen. Be rustic and stitch on burlap. Not everyone needs to stitch on 36ct.

I don't have the patience:
This is a bit harder to figure out. For some people, they do not know how to quiet themselves, or are not comfortable in quieting themselves to stitch. A lot goes on in my head while I stitch. Something about the repetitive, up/ down with the needle and thread. I process my day while stitching. Mentally work through issues and put them in order. Quite a few people are not comfortable being inside their head so long.. and I think crafting in general leads to a lot of time inside your head.

Most others though do have the patience.. its just for other things. We all have our "thing" that we can lose ourselves in.. and others we find the minutiae absolutely maddening.
My sister is absolutely Type A. Go Go Go.. all the time. But she quilts.. and thats not a quick process. It is in that you can see immediate progress.. pieces are cut, a block is assembled, a row is assembled, etc. But to make a whole quilt takes a lot of time. Where as with stitching, the progress isn't as apparent. Yes, some projects you can see noticeable progress, or you can use other ways to mark a "finish"- a motif, a section, a page, a thread length. Some projects are smaller than others- so you can get a quick finish.. but stitching is a slow process. One little X at a time. She's tried to stitch- and does not have the interest to finish even a bookmark.
I don't have the patience to knit. I've made a few projects, learned a few fancy stitches. But I just get bored.. row after row. Even though its oooh so very similar to stitching. Maybe because of the color changes with stitching and not with knitting?? Or a chart vs. just counting stitches? For whatever reason, its different enough that I don't have the patience to knit. My cousin however can sit and knit a whole day away. Row after row, hour after hour. Just as I have no patience to knit, she has no patience for needlework.

Richard: I also don't stitch cutsey. If all I had available to me was what is on the shelves at the big craft stores.. I would have given this up loooong ago. People don't know the range of patterns available. The use of bold, saturated colors. The depth you can get from a designer that knows how to appropriately shade. And then just subject matter itself.. it ranges from religious, to cutsey, geometric fractals, fine art reproductions, fantasy, country samplers, transportation, macabre, military, cartoons, patriotic, pretty ladies, subversive, tv shows and video games.. its all over the place. Name your theme and there is bound to be a chart for it. There is so much variety- but you wouldn't know it based on what is in the aisle at the big box craft stores.

[poppy]

The excuses I heard are:

"You do not expect me to see these tiny holes!"

"Concentrating on one spot makes me feel sick"

"I did one project once, it was so addictive, I could not put it down or do anything else" ( my nephew's wife said it!)

I never thought that it was weird for a man to cross-stitch. Two of my friends have pictures on their walls, which their dads made ( one is an owl and the other one is a family tree)

Richard, looking at your current project (Uranos Drops), my husband said that he might take up cross-stitching!!!

[richardandtracy]

Poppy, if it would help assimilate your husband into the collective, I'll willingly send you the PDF chart!

Regards,

Richard.

[wendywombat]

I remember someone saying to me...

" I could never have a hobby that meant me having to collect loads of things to complete it!"

Collecting the things to do cross stitch is half the fun!!

[Ruthi]

I don't feel any great need to persuade anyone else to take up the hobby. If someone shows real interest then I'll help them start, but apart from that I just carry on in my own little world. I did suggest to one friend who was in a very bad place mentally that it has been found to help, but she was too sick to do it without a lot of input, and I wasn't available for that. And I am indoctrinating my granddaughter, who is loving it mostly because she gets lots of attention. When she is capable of working on her own we will see if she enjoys it for its own sake, but I won't push it if she doesn't find the internal motivation(not that it would be a bad thing for us to stitch together occasionally - its a definite improvement on lavatorial jokes!).

Of course it might help if I understood why I do it. I don't think anyone is going to be inspired by me saying that half the pleasure is in the planning! And 90% in the having completed it.

I'm like that with my This is spam too. I have planned and re-planned so many times. Then I will hate every minute of the actual installation but love it afterwards.

I've had a few folk inspired by what they have seen that I have stitched, or am stitching. But then they go off and do something that it totally not to my taste, and I am confused!

[Mystonique]

My ex partner hated it because it was an "old lady thing", he hid it from relatives and friends as well as trying to stop me doing it.

Thej one day his best mate happened across one of my tapestries in progress in our spare room ... he brought it out marvelling at how beautiful it was and the talent and how lucky my partner was to have a girl who made such gorgeous things and reprimanded us both for not displaying it as well as saying to his partner "it would be ace if you learned something like this it's just awesome" (picture big tattooed Maori who's never said more than "can I have a beer?" And "she's alright" ... he was clearly very taken).

After that my partner proudly told anyone who would listen how unique and amazing my hobby was ... I did say ex right?

I should say mate also told my partner how his grandfather used to weave boats and he wished he'd learned too.

[Rose]

I totally agree with you Ruthi. I know that I enjoy the hell out of stitching but others are not going to. My husband loves to watch the progress of my work and is very complimentary about anything I do, but he just is not interested in working with thread and fabric. It has nothing to do with if he would be seen as less then macho.

So when friends ask about my projects I show them my work and I tell them you should try. Most say oh I could never do that. If after as few minutes of explaining how it is done they still say no then I am done. I don't push. This is great for me but it is not everyone's idea of relaxing.

[Fizzbw]

For me most say "I couldn't have the patience for that" it's a frustrating comment as I'm not the most patient person in the world!!

Most people just admire it. Some aren't even that interested (I never stitch them anything) but most love receiving and looking at my work but have no interest in doing it themselves.

I live in hope my younger sister might take it up, Skitzzzzz did her a chart of a nightmare at Christmas which was really easy, but I don't think she's started it yet. But who knows, she might find it again in a few years...

My other sister hovers over being interested but she's too busy. Her son, Caden who is 4 loves my "needling" and he loves the things I've made for him and every time he sees me I have to do needling with him. Which at this point involves wrapping pieces of binca into tight bundles with wool and then spreading the wool around the living room in as complex knots as possible....

My dad has been sitting next to me for 6 years while I stitch. He's admired everything in a slightly bemused way. A few months ago he suddenly asked me why it was called cross stitch, and I explained, surprised, that each stitch was a little cross. Nope, he'd not known that. After SIX years.....observant fellow my dad!!!

Mystonique, great story about your ex!

Niki xxx

[Amélie Abels]

For myself, I'm not sure I would've taken the plunge to find more about the hobby, get some cross stitch kits and the stuff I need if someone hadn't shown me the basics of it first. I think it is a little bit of a help nowadays that, and I think the article mentioned this, the internet has kind of broadened the subjects for stitching a bit more. If I saw a pattern for something I was really into in a shop, then it would easily convince me to give it a go.

That's why if I'm able to twist someone's arm into picking up a needle, then I'll try and buy them a simple chart of some TV show, movie or something else they like, get them all the thread and bits they might need for it and then just let them take their time with it.

That's not to say I've ever seen them go all the way to completion - I think that issue of patience is just too big a hurdle for some - but I'm glad they gave it a go and it feels great to hear they enjoyed it for a time.

[cairee]

"my eyesight isnt good enough for that" I just point out that cross stitch can be done with much bigger stitches than my own favourite of 28ct over 1
"I cant sew" neither can I. Its embroidery, not sewing.
"needlework isnt for men" needlework is for men who are secure in their masculinity.
"I havent got the manual dextarity for that" I pointed out the story of the woman with no fingers who cross stitches.

[NeedleAndFork]

I think the desire to craft and create is something that people either have or don't have. For people who have that desire, nothing, bad eyesight, lack of patience, lack of time, etc is going to deter them, they'll find a way to work it into their lives. But for people who're not interested, I find it interesting that most of them don't just come out and say they're not interested, instead they have a dozen different excuses. I used to work with a woman who at 37 became an empty nester when her kid went off to college and suddenly she had a lot more free time on her hand. She spent forever looking for a 'hobby' yet none of the dozen or so craft related hobbies I suggested to her and offered to teach her appealed at all. I heard everything mentioned above.. Don't have the patience, don't have time (huh? isn't that why she was looking for a hobby to begin with?) thinks stitching/knitting/etc is lame, on and on. I finally gave up even trying to help her come up with something when I realized she'd found her new hobby - whining about needing a hobby. That taught me a valuable lesson though - don't waste time trying to encourage someone who just isn't interested. That time is much better spent stitching.

As for the whole 'it's not manly to knit/stitch/crochet/whatever' bit. I say BS. I LIKE a man secure enough in his masculinity to not give a rats patootie what others think of him. Seriously, as a single woman, I'd be much more interested in a man who had an interest in fiber arts than some jock type who had to watch football constantly. Barring that, a guy who atleast had an interest in what I was doing and was willing to learn enough about it to make intelligent gift purchases and appreciate the work that goes into what I create. I could never deal with a guy that put my crafting down - it is such a huge part of me that if he insulted it, I would take it personally.

And lastly.. anyone who says they don't have the patience? Pfft. Stitching, knitting, and spinning GIVE me patience. They force me to slow down and focus on repetitive movements that are almost meditative. I've found that if I don't create regularly, I get tensed up and on edge. I start feeling like this: But as long as I spend even a few minutes every few days working on something, I can handle the rest of the world with more patience and grace because I've had time to unwind. Spinning on a spinning wheel is especially good for this - I can totally zen out and focus on nothing but the fiber between my fingers and the rhythm of my feet treadling the wheel. This is a concept that most non-crafters don't understand. They think crafting is about the finished product and all they see is the long process ahead to complete something, and decide they don't have the patience to bother with it. Yes, if all you focus on is getting the finished product done as quickly as possible then you may not have the patience to cross stitch. But for anyone who's looking for a way to relax and unwind I always encourage them to atleast try a needle or fiber craft, and I've converted many that way.

[sami51311]

When my husband first saw me start cross stitching the first thing he said was that I had too many things to do to try to add a hobby to my day. After that I choice to only stitch at night after his bedtime or when he left me at home. About a week and a half later he woke up and saw my progess, I went to sleep in front of the T.V. with WIP in my lap, he asked me come on to bed and started to look at my work he was surprised at how neat it looked. He has not shown any interest in trying to do it. He claims not having enough time, but maybe a zombie pattern could change his mind.

[seedreemer]

The most consistent response I get is it's too hard. Really??? Really?!! Yeesh.

I finally got my mom interested in making coasters using plastic canvas and she loves it so I think she might be psyching herself up to try cross stitch. She was surprised at how quickly she picked up the needlework on plastic canvas.

[Allyn]

.... but maybe a zombie pattern could change his mind.

And there some real gnarly/cool/gross zombie charts out there.