sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stuff

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geekishly
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sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stuff

Post by geekishly »

Hello everyone. I've not had much time in the last few months for cross-stitching or even looking at the forum. About a week or so before Thanksgiving, my mom slid a letter under my door. The way it was written was very cold and condescending. It gave me a list of chores to do (something I had no problem with doing if I'd been asked to do them sooner. Honestly. :roll: ) as well as instructing me on which days to shower, and demanding that I alter my schedule to theirs and get up at a reasonable hour and go to bed at 11pm, and no computer after lights out. Also demanding that I take my "sleeping pill" (amitriptyline - not a sleeping pill, but it does help me sleep better when I take it at bedtime,) at 7pm. I am not allowed out of my room after 4pm except to use the bathroom and get food/drink. I'm not allowed in the basement (where my food is stored) after 6pm. If I could not comply to these rules I would be kicked out on February 28th.

Also in the letter was that I must find a job and pay $300/mo rent starting January 1st. They've also demanded that I show them my browser history so that they can see I am actually looking for a job. Needless to say, the number of jobs which I am capable of doing are limited severely, due to my chronic migraines, chronic pain/fatigue (I have an appointment with a Rheumatologist on Jan 20th to determine whether it's fibromyalgia (as my old doctor told me I had) , ehlers-danlos syndrome (the SSD/SSI medical examiner thinks I have this) or something else entirely,) bipolar II disorder and anxiety/panic disorder. Also, I am lacking a car, so getting around to interviews and jobs is difficult, which further limits what sorts of jobs I can do. So even though I've been looking, the kinds of jobs I'm looking for are few and far between. At least the legit ones.

January 1st came and went and I still hadn't found a job, though I did have quite a few leads that went nowhere. My latest lead is freelance writing for a website, but that's highly dependent upon if they like my writing/ideas and want to publish them. So no guarantee I will get enough money a month to pay that $300 rent. January 4th came and when I had come back from using the bathroom that morning, pinned above my bedroom door was an eviction notice saying that I must vacate by February 4th. If I don't, they will take me to court to evict me. This was an official in triplicate eviction notice and it didn't say anything about my being able to stay if I can come up with the money.

So, I'm rapidly running out of time to find a job and a place to live. I'm in Ypsilanti, MI and would prefer to stay within Washtenaw County so that I can keep my county health plan and seeing the doctors I am seeing. My BFF said she can take in my cat if I find somewhere that I can't have him, but she's got 4 kids in a 2 bedroom house and thus no room for me and my things. Moving out of state means losing my food stamps, which is the only way I've been able to keep myself fed, since I am expected to prepare my own meals.
- Brandi

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Stitchinkitty
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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by Stitchinkitty »

OMG What a terrible situation to be in.Sending very positive thoughts,love and strength to you.
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mags
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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by mags »

Oh dear, Brandi, I am so sorry you are in this situation. I hope you can sort out something satisfactory. Thinking of you. :hug:
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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by rcperryls »

:hug: :hug: :hug: I am so sorry to hear about your situation, Brandi. I hope things get turned around soon for you soon. Sending you positive thought and lots of wishes for better times ahead.

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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by Squirrel »

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: What a horror predicament to be in Brandi. I do hope and pray that something will turn up very soon both in work and somewhere better to stay. :hug:
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geekishly
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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by geekishly »

Thanks guys. I just heard back from my dad and he can't help me out either. I'm just feeling hopeless.
- Brandi

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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by calico »

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear of the rough time you've had. I sure hope something comes your way and your life takes a turn for the better. We sure miss you around here :grouphug: please keep us informed on our situation and I'll be sending positive thoughts your way :(
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vanessanjf
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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by vanessanjf »

Im sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch. Usually a door opens for you when you least expect it.
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Oriettait
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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by Oriettait »

Brandi, I am so sorry you are having such a tough time. I will be keeping all my fingers and toes crossed for you to find a solution soon. In the meanwhile I send you a huge bear hug :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by Fizzbw »

Oh Brandi I'm so sorry, what a horrendous situation to be in! I'm gobsmacked at the prison terms you were given!!
I really hope you fine somewhere to live, it sounds as if you will be far better off without them even if it feels very vulnerable and scary right now.

Do you get disability? Can you apply if not? I know it's very hard to get as it is in the UK.

What about a mediation service? Can you get a mediator to talk to you and your mum and see if you can sort something out. Whatever her frustrations the limitations she places on you are not normal or right.

Big hugs, please keep us up to date.

Niki xxx
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backafteradozenyrs
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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by backafteradozenyrs »

Brandi, I am so sorry you're going through this! Would it be nosey of me to ask your age?

My own DD is turning 21 in about 3 weeks. She graduated H.S. 2 years ago & wanted to join the Navy but enlistment is EXTRAORDINARILY difficult (a friend made it all the way to the medical exam & they declined him because he has gingivitis...NO, his teeth aren't falling out {& he has no cavities} he has the gingivitis of a young person who isn't perfect in his teeth brushing!) My DD was then diagnosed with a similar mental health issue.

We have encouraged her to get a job because her illness doesn't preclude her from working & not working was driving her (& US) buggy. We do charge her rent (standard=30% of whatever her income is) and she has to buy her own medicine (she's still on Dads insurance). She's been a little bit lazy in getting her drivers license, but realizes that she needs it now.

I'm saying all of this because (even though my DD hasn't applied for SSI) to me her situation (& yours) is NOT the typical "You're 18 now....." I'm sorry your Mother is taking such a hard position but perhaps she's feeling stressed from sides that you might not even know about?

I know that there are 2 sides to every story & your side does sound awfully unfair. Again, I'm really sorry that you're in this position.
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Amanda G
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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by Amanda G »

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation Brandi. I hope things improve for you. We have all missed you on the forum......I am sure that is true for everyone on here so it's pretty safe to say. :grouphug:
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Lulu22
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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by Lulu22 »

Your situation sounds dreadful Brandi I'm sorry to hear you are having such a terrible time I really hope something comes up for you soon and your luck changes please let us know how you are getting on take care :hug:
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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by coolpenguin »

I am so very sorry to hear of your situation. Hoping something comes up that helps you. I'm in the process of applying for disability again, partly for PTSD and major anxiety. I've been turned down a few times before and have taken it to court and well I just don't have the money for that. Something has to give.

Thanks for updating up and please try to update us when possible. Please please please DO NOT give up.
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Mystonique
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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by Mystonique »

Do you have a church group or counsellor that might be able to assist with negotiating with the folks or finding alternative housing (I realise you've probably already thought of these options ... but know that it's not necessarily the case if you are stressed).

Even though I'm an athiest a church group assisted me with basics when I was homeless for a while and my counsellor helped me deal with my issues (both with finding work and with negotiating with my Mum) to help get me back on my feet.

I had problems with finding work because my Doctors said I couldn't - therefore the State job hunting facilities were not available to me and everywhere I applied said I was WAY overqualified and or inexperienced (I was a solicitor trying to find an office or a manual labour style job, given that I'd just had a mental breakdown I was up to being a solicitor).

Parents tend to see you falling and do whatever they can to make you pick yourself up (they would probably be subconsiously feeling a bit like failures and angry with your for making them feel that way too) ... in severe cases that can come accross as pretty heartless when in fact they do love you, they just want you to be successful. It took a LONG time for me to convince my Mum that I was actually going to be fine even without being a lawyer (truthfully she still tells herself I'll be going back ... it's just like I'm on holidays).

I'm not sure if any of this is helpful. It's really hard to know what's good for you from so far away. But I have been in a similar place and there is a way out I promise. :grouphug: just try a different tack, don't give up!
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NinjaBetty
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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by NinjaBetty »

This truly broke my heart when I read this. I really don't understand it I guess. Telling you when you can shower, eat, go to bed, get up, etc. etc. is just beyond me. Also not allowing you out of your room past a certain time of day? What are the reasons for that? I couldn't even consider doing this to someone that was just renting a room from me, let alone my own daughter. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know that everyone gets frustrated at times but I do believe that she is going overboard.

Where does she expect you to go if you don't have a job or any money or any means to get anywhere? She can't just toss you out in the street :( that just seems cruel. I don't know who came up with the idea that when children turn 18, they need to leave home. It is a silly notion to me. My daughter is 26 and my son is 21 and if they wanted to live with me, the door is always open. I know I don't know about everything in the situation but it just makes me very sad. I will keep you in my prayers and hopefully things will turn out well with you. Good luck and please keep us posted.
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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by Nachstenliebe »

Wow.. prison terms seems an apt description indeed... I am in shock of the conditions placed on you... I have a feeling this is probably a door closing so a better door can open situation for you. Good luck finding a new place :hug:
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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by dawn0621 »

How horrible! I also have issues like yours and somehow got disability, and have felt so helpless at times. I can't imagine someone doing what your mom's doing to you. It's just wrong. Wish I could help.
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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by BizzieLizzie »

What a horrendous situation. I'm shocked that a person could do this to anyone let alone their own daughter!

Sending lots of positive vibes, and I do hope you find a better living situation. :hug: :rainbow:
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Re: sorry I've not been around again - an update on life stu

Post by tiffstitch »

Brandi, I'm so sorry to hear about this... The terms sound so ridiculous it's as if this is surreal. I hope there's someway out of it, and I too hope you can find somewhere else that's a more healing location than what you've had to deal with up till now.

:hug: :hug:
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