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Not really. Our normal celebration is to have a Chinese take away, and buy a garden bench.

Yes, you read that right.

We bought cast aluminium reproduction Coalbrookdale garden benches for our 25th and 30th anniversaries (Lily of the Valley and Passion Flower respectively), however, since we bought the first one, the prices have more than tripled, closer to quadrupled, and they're beyond what we want to pay. They are less than originals, no question, but too much.

So.. we're not sure, especially as Tracy's worried about her Mum - in hospital having had a stroke (according to the Speech & Language therapist) or Bells Palsy (according to the only doctor we've managed to talk to). And MIL has been there for 2.5 weeks now, and given how anxious hospitals are to throw people out, that's telling.

Regards,

Richard

Tracy's Mum's predicament is not a nice present.
The bench would be - the two you've linked to are beautiful! But I can see they would be a bit of a drain on the budget

We have 10 garden benches scattered over the garden (another bench needs planks), and a further 6 single seater seats. We just need some nice weather!

Regards,

Richard

Congratulations, Richard and Tracy!! Time flies, but where to exactly remains a mystery. But I do hope you have a lovely day and can sit on one or another of your benches! We only have two -- one in the front; one in the back -- and both need attention...

Sorry to hear about MIL -- it's often all so difficult at this stage of things.

We have a nice number of benches in the garden.

We hope, one day, to be able to sit on a bench in the sun.

However, it usually happens that a cat is sprawled across the middle of the one we want to sit on, and we get shoved off onto another... It's a bit of a shame. Yes, we are seriously under the paw.

With regard to MIL. We are getting well enough to be safe to visit again (colds dissipating etc), but as it has been over a week since the last hospital contact. Tracy tried yesterday to get through on the phone. 10 calls to the ward rang out. One call got disconnected (handset lifted & dropped) and two calls got diverted to reception who tried to forward her to the ward and it rang out. So, thirteen calls, spread out over various times from 9 am to 7pm failed to be answered. This is typical of the lovely NHS in Kent. Tracy's up to call 30 now without a pick-up from the ward. We have visited the ward, and there have been up to nine staff, seven nurses in the rest room and two auxiliaries on the ward. I have only once seen a nurse on the ward, and he was heading to the rest room.
In Devon, when my dad was in North Devon Hospital in Barnstaple 3 years ago, every call was picked up within 5 rings. The comparison is not good for our Kent hospital.

Regards,

Richard.

If they were truly run off their feet there would be some excuse, but from your observation it looks like they should be able to answer the phone. Not good. I hope Tracy will manage to get through soon!

As it turned out.. Tracy actually got through to the hospital before I wrote my last post yesterday morning.

It appears the doctors have been trying to phone my late father-in-law about MIL's condition. The FIL who died nearly 4 years ago and went to a care home due to the severity of his dementia 8 months before that. The hospital has been told numerous times to update their records and even taken a copy of Tracy's Medical Power of Attorney (LPA). So, of course none of that was in their records. I wonder who has Tracy's LPA tagged onto their records? It's the sort of thing I can imagine the hospital doing.

Anyway, we now know what they are currently quite concerned about - unexplained bleeding into her bed pad. She's had that before, and her GP diagnosed a UTI without ever visiting, seeing or talking to MIL, and never added it to MIL's GP records so the hospital was treating it as new (MIL's GP is the on the Daily Mail front page here - the Chestnuts Surgery). The hospital had checked for, & dismissed a UTI, sent her for a CT scan and today she's due to have an MRI scan. Maybe they can get to find the cause of that.

One thing they are having problems with is communicating with her. She really can't talk since the onset of the Stroke/Bells Palsy that put her in hospital. Her voice is down to a whisper and the words she says are unintelligible. The only thing we've heard and understood since going in is 'I Want to go home'. So sad.

Regards,

Richard

Very sad - and devastating for Tracy and you to have to hear.

The whole contacting-the-deceased and ignoring the LPA is inexcusable. I hope this may prove to be a turning point, as the hospital at least seem to take MIL's situation more seriously than her GP, so now that contact has been established perhaps there may be more of it.

Can only echo Mabel's comments and observations. It's all so wretched.

MIL home from hospital last Monday.
Tracy spent much of yesterday assessing how she was etc.

Unfortunately MIL never seemed to show a spark of awareness that Tracy was a person, let alone her daughter. No responses to questions, all words said were mumbled and her right arm has no strength. She choked on a drink, finding it difficult to swallow. Was sleepy all day and dozed for a few minutes after a couple of minutes being awake.

In conclusion, MIL is no different from when she went into hospital. She just seems to be winding down to the end. Its horrible to witness.

Regards,

Richard

It is a very difficult thing to watch and to have to witness Richard, but know that the most unlikely things get through even when the person seems to be unresponsive - Tracy's presence, even if it feels unacknowledged, may yet be sensed; and a voice, a touch can still get through. With both my mum and my grandmother I sat and sang their favourite hymns and psalms, and other people I know read from a favourite book, or just chatted as they were pottering around. Also bear in mind that the winding down process often looks much worse for the onlookers than it is for the person going through it.
Prayers for you both, and MIL as well, for strength where needed, and peace for all.

Again, can only echo what Mabel has said. This winding down process is heartbreaking for the onlooker; not so bad usually for the person going through it. There are a lot of similarities between dying and being born, and both are work, sometimes easier and sometimes harder. It takes time. And it seems as if MIL isn't in pain, which is a gift to be grateful for.

On a more practical level, I'm presuming you have some (even if minimal) help from the local hospice or the community nursing staff? Is there something like Crossroads (Scotland) that offers respite and palliative care? We found them invaluable when my FIL was at this stage of his life.

You are all in my thoughts.

The hospital says she's not in an end of life situation.

The same hospital also said she's not had a stroke. Despite the fact the right side of her face dropped, she stopped being able to articulate and swallow and her right arm stopped working during 3 minutes when the carer was microwaving a meal in the kitchen. Then the ambulance crew said it was obvious she'd had a stroke. The hospital says there was no stroke because there are no positive test results for a stroke. But they didn't test for a stroke in the first 24 hours of her being there, and stroke tests beyond 12 hours will always yield a negative test.

Somehow these days I find it very difficult to believe anything anyone from the hospital says.

MIL is getting no hospice care (not referred, as hospital says not needed, and, to be fair, the only local Hospice is for Children {Demelza House}), there is no community nurse unless she has an immediate problem (like open sores, canula to replace etc).

Her GP has never once felt it his duty to do a 'Return to home visit' when a patient returns from hospital and is bedbound (not for either MIL or FIL). Come to that, the doctor has only ever once felt it necessary to visit her since she became housebound 3 years ago and that was because the GP had to sign off a dementia assessment which can't be done without seeing the patient in person. This happened 9 months after the first weekly request we made for the doctor to do it. Whenever the GP Surgery cannot avoid treating her as a patient, a trainee paramedic is sent to visit. The GP surgery has de-listed her as a patient in the past, at a time she was bedbound at home so there wasn't even the excuse she was out of area. No explanation given, no alternative GP arranged, just delisted her and fought like hell with the local FPC not to be made to have her back on their books. Only the problem that they're her nearest GP and all surgeries in Swale had a similar patient to doctor ratio of 3,300 per doctor at the time meant the had to take her back. No apology, nothing.
Just done a bit of research, seems her GP surgery has 5 doctors and (as of this month) 9579 patients according to the .gov statistics pages, so one of the better patient to doctor ratios in the country. You'd never believe it from the patient care offered.

Regards,

Richard

Oh dear.

is about the only thing I can say to all that.

I'm really sorry you and Tracy have all this unnecessary added worry because of a failing system.

Thanks.
We get the impression that other parts of the country think the SE is a wealthy area.

It is true of parts of Kent, but by no means all of it. North Kent is not well served for roads, schools & health services. The vehicle density is such that the roads are collapsing, so many people demanding water that the system fails (burst pipes or the water companies can't supply enough) and the power grid is barely surviving. A single car crash can snarl roads 10 miles away.

And hundreds of houses are being built every year. The last 4 years in the borough has had 600 new houses a year (of 1000 planned). In the next 12 years the plans are for another 17,000. Yet no new schools are planned, no major roads, no GP's, no new water pipes or gas pipes. Just how is this going to work?
I'm sure everything will muddle through, but with life getting just that little bit worse every year.

Regards,

Richard

Oh dear.

MIL is off to hospital again. She's really unwell with the symptoms of sepsis. The ambulance response was very quick. We're on tenterhooks.

Regards,

Richard

Sepsis is not good news. Prayers ongoing.

Oh, no. Poor MIL. Poor you and Tracy and your girls. My heart goes out to you all.

Thank you both. We're hoping the outcome will be good. She's so frail at the moment, and got so few reserves to fall back on that it's much iffier than it should be.

Regards,

Richard

MIL back from hospital. We have no real idea how well she is, as she's not woken up during any of the times we've been there - despite using the vacuum cleaner, washing machine etc.
Carers report she can't feed herself or turn over on her own. About half the time she's so sleepy she doesn't finish the meals the carers give her and dozes off before finishing. Really feels like there has been a serious decline over the last month.

On the plus side we had a look at the house Orianna's buying and got a look into the loft. The roofing felt is beyond end of life and tearing to pieces under its own weight, but the tiles seem OK. The amount of daylight visible was much less than in our last house's roof which had no felt at all. Otherwise it looks in good condition. The Chimney Stack needs proper lead flashing (as we suspected) because the cement fillet used has come away from the brickwork and there are streaks on the chimney where it has dripped into the loft. This is maybe a 3 day job to do from a roof ladder, so isn't a great problem. All of the back window double glazing panels are blown, which will be relatively simple to replace/have replaced and the discount she's getting is enough to pay for it. The estate agent has just moved in 3 doors down (her place was owned by the same letting company), and as her agency managed both properties for 20 years, I feel that's an additional recommendation.

Regards,

Richard