OMG- freaking Out Here

[dwitt]

So tomorrow is a big day for me. It's my birthday. And not only that I turn the big 4-0.
So I am kinda freaking out I am going to be a 40 year old mother of a 5 year old so that means I will be 53 when he graduates from high school OMG . This is just almost to much for me.

And to top all that off I don't even know that my hubby is even taking my birthday seriously. I have given him every chance to take my son out to go shopping and himself. And reminded him that I am nervous about turning 40 and this is a big deal for me. I don't even know that my in-laws care, or my brother. I think I am the only one. I know that my hubby has seen our friends make a big deal about these milestones .

[Mabel Figworthy]

First of all, please don't be too concerned - lots of us here have had our 40th birthdays and it is really very much like your 39th or your 41st. I am 48 but my theory is that inside I stopped at about 28; it's just my body that keeps having birthdays

Secondly, don't be hard on yourself for wanting something made of this birthday, or on your husband for not quite getting this. It can be very hard to understand why someone doesn't seem to care when it's a big deal for you, and vice versa it can be difficult to grasp why something is a Big Thing to someone else when you're really not bothered about it yourself. Many in DH's family have enormous parties (often themed) at big -0 birthdays, I'm much happier going out for afternoon tea with DH and perhaps a friend or two. I doubt either side really understands the other person's preference.
What I mean is that you may have to tell him rather than hint. That may feel odd or wrong, but you may well find that he'll say "I hadn't realised" or something like that. I have on occasion hinted my heart out to DH, then finally said something direct, and his reaction was "well why didn't you tell me?"

[rcperryls]

Absolutely agree with Mabel about everything she said. And I always remember what my stepmom used to say when she added another year to her birthday (she lived to about 93 or 94 I think). "The alternative is not acceptable". My mother used to add years to her age if someone asked her. That way she got to hear "You look so young for your age". But since this is a big one and you want it to be recognized, let your DH know. It is amazing sometimes, as Mabel said, that the most blatant, clear and how could they ever be missed hints can go unnoticed. Just fly straight over a man's head and sometimes a woman's too.



Carole

[Serinde]

Since it means so much to you -- which is perfectly fine -- tell him so in words of one or two syllables. Then he actually knows, and you know that he knows. Or, of course, organise something yourself that you particularly would like. Why depend on someone else? (This is also the only way to get a birthday cake, you realise.)

As for being an older mother, well, welcome to the club! My youngest was born not long after my 35th birthday. Age brings patience and wisdom, or so I'm told. My own mother was 52 when I graduated from high school. It seems that most mums are starting their child rearing lives later these days, so you'll be in excellent company at the school gate or the nursery pick up.

[richardandtracy]

Not sure I can help much.
I tend to think I'm more than a number, so won't let just one define me. Going to leave the age of 53 on Friday, eldest brat is 21 and still living at home. Her living at home is what makes me feel old, not my (or her) age!

Regards,

Richard.

[mauveme]

My freak out came at 25 when l realized that I was a quarter of a century old. And in June l will be 70.. still getting used to being in my 60’s. Lol . Getting old is a bitch.

[Serinde]

Certainly not for the faint of heart, mauveme! But consider the alternative!

[mauveme]

Certainly not for the faint of heart, mauveme! But consider the alternative!

[rcperryls]

Linda, I turned 70 in August and announced to my family I was now going to be officially eccentric and kept the. Wondering what I would do differently. So far all I’ve done is get some outlandish leggings with cat designs and a few sweaters which are similarly feline but I feel I have given myself permission to do anything I feel like doing. Not that I do, but turning 70 was a lot easier than turning 60. Not sure if that will help or not. I really have come to believe that there is a big difference between how old you are in years( and even physically) and how old you feel in your mind.

Works for turning 40 and 50 and 60 too. I didn’t know that then though.

Carole

[Ajay]

Dont worry about being an elder mum. My mum was 38 when she had me and 42 when she had my little sister. You will be fine!!

Congrats on making 40!

[fccs]

I have friends like you who kind of get crazy (trying to be gentle here) about so called milestone ages. I have never cared what number I am. Every year is special, and I wish you a very happy, special birthday.

[Serinde]

Linda, I turned 70 in August and announced to my family I was now going to be officially eccentric ... I really have come to believe that there is a big difference between how old you are in years( and even physically) and how old you feel in your mind.

Works for turning 40 and 50 and 60 too. I didn’t know that then though.

Carole

I remember the relief of being 50. I decided then and there that I didn't have to pretend I was young anymore and had permission not to care a fig about how anyone else perceived me, the way I look, dress, etc. While I'm still working on the attitude (14 years later), it was fabulously liberating at the time. (Helped that DH took me for a weekend away in Your Genuine Castle, of course...)

[Mabel Figworthy]

I turned 70 in August and announced to my family I was now going to be officially eccentric and kept them wondering what I would do differently.

Perhaps you should read them "Warning" by Jenny Joseph . I'll post it below but if any mods think there's a copyright issue please remove.

WARNING
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

[Squirrel]

I haven't seen that poem for years Mabel , thanks for the reminder. I think it was my sister who sent it to me when I became 60 - a couple of decades ago.

Dewitt, I know for some people reaching 40 or 50 is a huge deal and that is fine - we all react differently to different ages as we reach them. If it is any consolation it gets easier the older you get - I am now in my 80's.
What I have found harder to comprehend is that my eldest just turned 60. Me with a 60 yr old 'child' does not compute at all - no way. However that is what the calendar says.

[poppy]

I do hope that you did have a lovely Birthday, dwitt!

I really enjoyed reading some of the replies

My mother used to add years to her age if someone asked her. That way she got to hear "You look so young for your age".

That is so funny!

Personally, I find life so much easier as I am getting older. I don't get so stressed about things.

[dwitt]

Happpy Ney Year!!! Y’all
An update on whatever on what my boys did for my birthday. So we pretty much sat at home and did nothing. Hubby got my Bluetooth headphones and my litt man got me a pop socket for the back my phone (which I know doesn’t cost much) I love! It makes holding my phone so much easier and reduces hand cramps.
His dad and stepmom took us out for a nice dinner to longhorn. Which was a very pleasant night.
I do have to say I am a little disappointed that hubby and his family didn’t make more of a big deal of my birthday since it was a big one. I wasn’t hinting to hubby. I straight out told him. “This birthday is a big dal babe, I AM turning he BIG 4-0. You understand that right? It’s a big deal to me.”Wasn’t that clear enough for the male brain?!

[Mabel Figworthy]

Next time reinforce the message with a big hammer ? Well, you've got ten years to convince him to do something REALLY BIG for the big 5-0. Or take Serinde's advice, make arrangements for exactly what you want, then tell him he's giving it to you

[rcperryls]

Next time reinforce the message with a big hammer ? Well, you've got ten years to convince him to do something REALLY BIG for the big 5-0. Or take Serinde's advice, make arrangements for exactly what you want, then tell him he's giving it to you

I agree completely.

Carole

[Squirrel]

Definitely agree - you organise it then tell him what he is giving you and what you are both doing. It's the only way with some of them.

[Kuschelschaf]

I understand where you're coming from, dwitt. I was there, too, for my 30th birthday 2 years ago. I never made a fuss about birthdays. I usually went to the book store or record shop and bought a few things for myself and maybe got a card or something with money from family and a cake. I would deep fry breaded chicken wings and listen to heavy metal with my dad and that usually would be fine.

But my 30th? It had to be special because I was going to be... well, 30. So at the time I was living in Pennsylvania and I took a week of paid vacation. DH knew I really really wanted to go camping, like in a tent, so he surprised me with a week long trip to Myrtle Beach and we would camp in the state park. It rained the entire time. Our tent was pitched over a fire ant mound and I was eaten alive. They were calling for heavy rain, flooding and a tornado... it wasn't even my birthday yet... We were camping for a total of 2 days and drove 500+ miles back to PA. I spent my birthday itchy, miserable in an oatmeal bath.

Looking back, I would've been so much happier just making chicken wings and heavy metal. I learned my lesson. Making a big deal about birthdays gets one eaten by fire ants. When I hit the big 4-0, I want to be eating chicken wings and listening to heavy metal and given the opportunity to add to my stash. I hope I am not coming across as snarky... I just learned to appreciate the little things.